10 Ways You Abandon Yourself And How To Choose Yourself Instead

LIFE

Aug 31

Self-abandonment is a destructive, and sadly common, habit that includes ignoring our own needs and emotions, and hiding parts of ourself to get approval of others.

When we abandon ourselves, we often do so because we are afraid of others will not accept us as we are.

While we venture on this journey of returning home to ourselves, let’s take a minute to talk about the 10 common ways I see people abandon themselves, and how to choose yourself instead:

Not Trusting Your Instincts:

Abandoning yourself in this context means ignoring or doubting your gut feelings, intuitions, or inner guidance. Choosing yourself involves recognizing the value of your instincts and learning to trust them.

To do this, practice mindfulness, self-awareness, and reflection. Start by acknowledging your intuitive feelings without judgment, and then validate them by examining past situations where your instincts were accurate.

People-Pleasing:

People-pleasing involves prioritizing others' needs and desires over your own, often at the expense of your well-being. Choosing yourself means setting healthy boundaries and learning to say no when necessary.

Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to prioritize your own needs. Develop assertiveness skills to communicate your boundaries respectfully.

Hiding Parts of Yourself:

When you hide parts of yourself, you deny your true identity and feelings to gain acceptance or avoid judgment. Choosing yourself means embracing your authenticity and being unapologetically you.

Start by acknowledging and accepting all aspects of yourself, even the ones you may have been hiding. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you truly are.

Perfectionism:

Perfectionism involves setting unrealistically high standards for yourself and feeling inadequate when you don't meet them. Choosing yourself involves practicing self-compassion and understanding that mistakes are part of growth.

Challenge your perfectionist tendencies by setting realistic goals and focusing on progress rather than flawless outcomes.

Self-Criticism and Judgement:

Self-criticism and judgment can lead to a constant negative inner dialogue that erodes self-esteem. Choosing yourself means cultivating self-kindness and self-acceptance. Whenever you catch yourself being overly critical, reframe your thoughts as you would when comforting a friend. Treat yourself with the same empathy you offer others.

Not Honoring Your Needs:

Ignoring your physical, emotional, and psychological needs can lead to burnout and unhappiness. Choosing yourself involves prioritizing self-care and self-compassion. Regularly check in with yourself and identify what you need to feel balanced and fulfilled.

Make time for activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul.

Suppressing Your Feelings:

Suppressing emotions can lead to emotional numbness and inner turmoil. Choosing yourself means allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions in healthy ways. Practice mindfulness to observe your feelings without judgment.

Find outlets for your emotions, such as journaling, talking to a friend, or engaging in creative activities.

Not Acting According to Your Values:

When you stray from your core values to please others or conform, you abandon your authenticity. Choosing yourself involves clarifying your values and aligning your actions with them.

Reflect on what truly matters to you and make choices that reflect those values, even if they differ from societal or external expectations.

Codependant Relationships:

Codependent relationships involve excessive reliance on others for validation and a sense of self-worth. Choosing yourself means fostering independence and healthy interdependence.

Set boundaries within relationships, focus on your personal growth, and seek support from friends, family, or therapy to break free from codependent patterns.

Not Speaking Up For Yourselves:

Failing to express your thoughts, opinions, and needs can lead to feeling unheard and unimportant. Choosing yourself involves assertive communication and advocating for yourself.

Practice speaking up in low-stakes situations, and gradually build your confidence to address more significant matters. Remember that your voice matters.

Choosing yourself involves cultivating self-awareness, self-compassion, and the courage to prioritize your well-being, needs, and values. It's a journey of growth and self-discovery that empowers you to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.